Codename: April Accord
Dented reputations, shattered dreams and heartbreak for a few on a scintillating afternoon of action-packed horse racing. It really doesn’t get too much better than Saturday’s Classic Day and Dubai World Cup combination for us partisan couch potatoes, crowned by a touch of welcome PR genius in the recruitment of the delightful and authentic horseracing persona of the lovely Julie Alexander as our host at Turffontein. But sadly, with local viewing blackouts looming, Tellytrack comforts as we know it are destined for huge change.
No more horse racing on television! You have got to be kidding! That was my first thought when hearing the latest magical marketing maneuver from our illustrious industry fathers – a blanket blackout on coverage limited to racecourses only. The highly confidential blueprint of the April Accord, as it is termed, was leaked by a disgruntled former secretary. In a nutshell it means that if you want to watch live horseracing, you are going to have to go to the races or find your nearest racecourse – imagine watching a Vaal sand meeting in the austere surrounds of Durbanville or Arlington?
Just when I thought they had pulled a gorgeous fluffy white rabbit out of the hat with the re-introduction of the dynamic Julie Alexander to brighten our screens and enhance our viewing pleasure, rather than the dour and boring Darren Scott, they let rip with this sideswipe of note. Talk about a gun to the head and hard sell tactics – our local timeshare marketing gurus in those pale grey suits, matching cockroach crunchers and white socks, could sure as hell learn a thing or two from these boys!
Let’s focus on the positives first though. JJ The Jet Plane. Bernard Fayd’Herbe. Lucky Houdalakis. Coenie Strydom and partners. Igugu. Andre and Joyce Macdonald. Mike De Kock. English Garden. Mike Bass. Karl Neisius. Lady Lilford. Robert Fayd’Herbe. Stars of a great weekend. Remarkably even a daughter of Modus Vivendi (Modus-who, you are probably thinking) won the Gr1 Million rand Horse Chestnut Stakes under sufferance and hammering the colts. Her owner, trainer and breeder, former LA Lawyer St John Gray showing again that he has few peers when it comes to being smart and boxing clever with what appears to be ordinary stock on the surface.
Then there were disappointments too. Link Man didn’t seem to stay the 1800m of the SA Classic in the sticky conditions. He will be back. The same can be said for Hollywoodboulevard who ran her worst race ever – in a really disappointingly substandard field for a R1 million Grade One. The unbeaten Var speedball Variometer did a Proteas-style choke and went straight out the back-door in the Pretty Polly Stakes to finish over 20 lengths back. Buy And Sell is another whose racing career looks to have come to an end. He finished tailed off in the Horse Chestnut and is a shadow of his former great self.
Julie Alexander disappeared off our screens quite suddenly about a year ago and the only member of the fairer sex on the Tellytrack crew was sorely missed by many a punter amongst our circle of punting afficionados. Refreshing, pretty(that never hurts), knowledgeable and well informed, Gary and Dean’s youngest sister was never replaced and left a gaping hole in our lives as she skipped off to pursue a position in the family business. Why she actually departed with the haste she did and the absence of goodbyes in the first place has never been confirmed as hard fact by anybody as far as I am aware, but it apparently had something to do with peeing off certain heavyweights and with the Alexander Stable star, Pierre Jourdan. The champagne champion hasn’t been seen out since running a gallant 6th in the Summer Cup way back in November, where he apparently injured a hock. Julie says that he is being treated by Professor Roy Gottschalk of Witbos Veterinary Clinic and they are hoping to have a crack at the Vodacom Durban July. If the treatment doesn’t work though, it could well mean another full year’s rest.
What really counts for me on the subject of Julie is that somebody in authority had the foresight, courage and backbone to put petty personal differences aside and invite her back as a guest presenter – and she certainly bounced into the stagelight seemingly more polished than ever. She came across as if under no pressure and breathed some much needed new life into the show. She also enjoyed solid backup from the hyperactively over-ripe avocado, Neil Andrews. I am not insulting Neil’s physique with the reference to the tasty tropical fruit, but that gawdy sea-sick green shirt did little for his complexion or general appearance. And his tipping proved that green is just plain bad luck on a racecourse. As a duet, their banter and innuendo sketched a pleasantly entertaining and distracting backdrop to the gloomy steel grey skies and entertaining racing and one hopes that Gold Circle will consider making use of the coupling during Champions Season.
Now back to the bad news. Let’s face it nothing quite beats a comfortable afternoon on the couch or in the non-smoking area of the local tote with likeminded associates, a few beers and high quality horseracing on the small screen. No traffic or security issues. No driving miles and negotiating taxis, never mind the petrol at almost ten rand per litre. Comfort first and foremost. But life as we know it will soon be changing dramatically. Saturday could be a distant memory very soon and it was such an amazing day with seven bumper hours of racing and nineteen great races being screened. But I may as well flog my television set as the sad news is that the lazy hazy crazy days of summer are about to come to an abrupt end. The first day of April signals the start of a new era. Live racing will only be screened to the ten odd racecourses countrywide. Calling it a ‘strategic marketing innovation of substance and a long overdue move to get punters off their backsides and onto the racecourses’ , an unnamed source added that the radical move would do wonders to boost attendances on –course and save the operators thousands of rands in Satellite subscriptions .
While assuring punters that totalisator outlets would still provide their renowned high quality betting and customer service with racing results provided via the Teledata facility, Chairman of the newly established Associated Racing Services Enterprise(ARSE) Charles Raptawk, said that secure on-course parking would be provided at a fee of R50 to day members, with a ten percent discount to members of the various racing bodies. He went on to say that punters could also utilize the country’s excellent, reliable and safe public transport system. He said racecourses were known to have excellent eating establishments and friendly customer orientated staff and it made far more sense to enjoy a day out in the fresh air rather than sitting on a couch at home irritating the wife or in a stuffy smoky tote. He said extensive surveys had shown that the move would be welcomed at all levels and said it was ‘inevitable and in the name of progress’. When asked for a copy of the surveys he said they were ‘confidential.’
Raptawk said that horseracing industry leaders didn’t know who their customers were but knew what they needed and desired:” We don’t take these bored decisions lightly. Our customers aren’t fools and neither are we, really. The April Accord will finally bring people back to the racecourses. We deserve a pat on the back and a healthy bonus come the new year,” he said.
Readers are welcome to address their concerns directly to Charles Raptawk at the Associated Racing Services Enterprises.com. Simply email him on his initial and surname to the abbreviated entity. What next, you are no doubt asking!
